10 Rules of Airplane Etiquette

Getting to the airport early and going through the security strip tease is hassle enough. When you're on the plane, you want peace and, if you're lucky enough to win the baby lotto as the proud parents whisk their newborn several dozen rows behind you, quiet.

That said, here are 10 rules of airplane etiquette once you've tightened your seatbelt and stashed your carry-on:

1. Mind Your Space
Just because you've had trouble saying no to Wendy's doesn't mean you have to remind the person next to you throughout the flight. Keep those flabby forearms in your space and those hubcab knees in front of you. Nobody wants body contact on a flight, unless it's your significant other.

2. They Make Paperbacks, Don't They?
Never bring a broadsheet newspaper (Wall Street Journal, Boston Globe) to read on the plane. It's OK in the terminal, but violates the personal space rule (see No. 1). If you must read a newspaper, bring a tabloid (NY Post, Newsday). A magazine or book is even better.

3. It's Not a Tea Party
Some people look forward to meeting strangers and befriending them on a plane. Others don't. Learn the difference. If your conversation seems one-way, take the hint. Some people would rather use three hours to plow through a novel or get some work done instead of exchanging shallow conversation.

4. If You're a Bathroom Person, Take an Aisle Seat
You've downed six Diet Cokes and two cups of coffee and you've requested a window seat. Not a good idea. There's nothing more annoying than waking from a nap a half dozen times to let fountain-boy through. Especially on those tight United flights.

5. You're Not the Flight DJ
If you're going to listen to music on your Walkman or MP3 player, keep the volume down. Not everyone enjoys 50 Cent and Nelly. The volume is louder than you think, especially if the headset is not snug to your ear.

6. Rubbernecking, Part 1
If you have an aisle seat, don't lean across your fellow passengers to look out the window. Conversely, if you're in the window seat on the right side of the plane and the pilot says there's an excellent view of Cape Canaveral on the left, don't try to catch a glimpse. This definitely violates Rule No. 1.

7. Rubbernecking, Part 2
Don't read the magazine or book that the woman sitting next to you is reading. They notice and it's annoying, trust me. Worse yet, don't comment on the article or story. That violates Rule No. 3 in a big way.

8. It's Called Deodorant
It's a shame this even needs to be mentioned, but it does. Please, please remember to bathe or shower before your flight. These are tight quarters and the only air is recirculated cabin air. Even a 55-minute flight can be uncomfortable if you smell like you just ran a 10K wearing a leather jacket.

9. Kids are Kids
Children are excited on a plane, and it's not unusual for a youngster to cry, whine and show off the power of his lungs. But parents, please keep your kids' feet and hands off the back of the seat in front of them. It's annoying and migraine-inducing to have your seat kicked, punched and slapped for three hours while mommy and daddy think it's cute that junior is entertaining himself.

10. You'll Get Off the Plane, Promise
When the plane lands, you don't need to stand if you're more than five rows back. Most airlines don't even begin unloading for five minutes, then it takes at least 30 seconds for those first five rows to move. So if you're in Seat 37D, there's no reason for your backside to be in someone's face the minute the plane pulls up to the hangar. Also, just to review, the rows empty from front to back. If you're in Seat 37D and the woman in Seat 36D is a little slow pulling down her luggage, don't leapfrog past her. That's just rude.

Follow these 10 rules and you'll make flying a better experience for each of us. You're now free to move about the cabin (unless you're the guy violating Rule No. 4).

Comments

[Glenn]

Well said. Most people violate at least one of these.

[anon]

excellent stuff. Only 5 weeks 'til my next flight, and I hope that I encounter no offenders.

[anon again]

Oh, and another rule, if I recline my seat, I do it because my personal space is limited, and I am searching for a bit of comfort. If you're sitting behind me, I'll have checked you're not all legs or a kid, so please don't ask me to sit up! I don't know you, and I am not going to sacrifice my new found comfort for a complete stranger who is rude enough to bark orders at me, also don't use 'body language' I put it back so you have significant space, don't kick my backside, I know you like your nose un-broken, I prefere my spine that way.

[Dan]

That's a good one. I've actually had people ask me not to tilt my seat back while I'm in a middle seat on a United flight. Yeah, right.

[denzlwurzel]

Hey Mudder...if'n yer tip yer dead ass seat back onna flite less than two hours in duration you'll getta boot up yer ass AND a busted schnozz...do yer drive down the highway lyin' on yer back?

[marsha]

i had a woman yell at me for tilting my seat back because her son needed to sleep on her lap.She viciously shoved my seat back up after i kindly explained to her that its an eight hour flight and we all need to sleep. Needless to say I was way to shocked to react the way I should have,but I didnt want to start a fight

[Mike Hawk]

you cry babies, what do you own the fucking airline? It's ass holes like you that stare at everyone like your the best thing that ever stepped on the plane. Why don't you take your pussy ass to the airlines with your concerns instead of other people who have the right to be just as comfortable as you, or quit being a cheap ass and fly a bigger jet

[Debra Roby]

That seat-tilt problem... sigh. Each of our personal space begins where the seat in front of us ends. It ends where our seat reclines. It's a variable space, but accept it.

I once had a woman shove my seat forward, then placed her feet on the back to keep from tilting back. The guy in the next seat called the flight attendant who quiet and calmly explained that I have a right to recline my seat, and she had to accept it. Good thing. We were about to come to blows.

[Dan]

Crazy up there in the sky, isn't it?

[Gecko Rock]

You missed my personal in-flight antagonist: taking your shoes off during the flight. Leave them on! I don't want to smell your feet.

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[Elliott Bettman, MD]

The seat back thing. In 98, from Rio to Iguassu falls, A-hole jock behind me had knee in seat. I was a bit undiplomatic, said "I paid had the right to recline." "He told his friend, "I'd do it if he asked nicely." I found an empty seat next to him to recline in. "There ya go" he said. when I struggled at one point "I'll have to take your head off" I should have called stewardess spilled coffee on him whatever. I tried to poke a kid's eye out with a pencil in high school cuz HE wouldnt leave me alone either.

I'm not through yet and I'm in my forties. Bastards lucky he's alive with his site.

[Roger S Peterson]

Nobody...nobody...has to release his or her seatback for a short, daytime flight. Please have the courtesy to ask the person behind you, "May I release my seatback." I'd say yes even if I didnt' like it, but really resent the jerks who release the seatback right after beverages are dispensed. It's rude.

Two more annoyances. The guy who clipped his nails, sending his discharged nails into my lap. And the teenager who insisted on talking with his sister, who was across the aisle and behind. I finally asked him to stop.

[Dan]

Roger - nail-clipping? That's bad. You'd think no one would even consider attempting this on a plane.

[ken]

I must add the most annoying thing I have just suffered through: cards. I just returned from a night flight where this lady was shuffling and cutting cards right in my ear all night. As if shuffling wasn't bad enough, she would cut the deck at least 4 times per deal. Please leaving your stinking cards at home next time !!

[ken]

I must add the most annoying thing I have just suffered through: cards. I just returned from a night flight where this lady was shuffling and cutting cards right in my ear all night. As if shuffling wasn't bad enough, she would cut the deck at least 4 times per deal. Please leaving your stinking cards at home next time !!

[Mark R]

I know this might rub some folks the wrong way...but I am not interested in switching seats with you. I buy my tickets many months in advance and carefully pick out the seat I want. You can live without your loved one for a few hours. Heck, they might even welcome a chance to be away from you for a few hours if you are that smothering. Just because I am single does not give couples inherent rights over my chosen seat.

[Jason]

Here's a few I would like to add:
11) If I'm at a window seat, someone else is at the aisle and you're stuck in the middle...take the arm rests. I can at least lean over and I will still be fairly comfortable. I hate middle seats and do sometimes get stuck in them. Don't be a jerk and hog the whole damn arm rest. Have a tiny bit of compasion.
12) Addition to number 10. This one drives me totally crazy every frickin time! Why must you be in such a hurry? Why must you grab your bags so quickly? Why must you stand up once that damn seatbelt light goes off? And to top it all off, half the time we're on the tarmack!!!! A bus will take us to the terminal!!!! Sit the F@&k down. A plane will probably empty much quicker when we do it one row at a time. I normally sit and wait until 4-5 rows behind me have gone by. There'll always be some jerk back there that'll block the way and allow me an easy, relaxed exit.
13) Why must you turn your phones on once the damn no seatbelt sign goes off at the gate? Is it really that important? Damn - half the plane sounds like PEEP PEEP PEEP when you turn those things on. Just wait! And god forbid, don't call someone and tell them "hey, we just landed". No shit??? There probably standing in the terminal and can see it on the screen!!!!

[Jeanna]

laptops....I get that you are busy...I admire your work ethic...HOWEVER when you are in coach and you type with your ELBOWS OUT...rude
and if you are going to look at porn in a public place (which I don't suggest to begin with) get a privacy screen.