First Blackmail

When I was 5, I peed on a chicken.

The Clausis, our next-door-neighbors, had a little farm and the chickens would sometimes linger into our back yard.

I don't think it was deliberate. But I remember being behind our garage and not feeling like dragging myself all the way back inside for something as insignificant as using the bathroom (I was 5, remember).

I guess it was timing. As I looked to my left (or right; it was a long time ago), I saw a wandering chicken skittering near me from under a bush. And I peed on it.

Then I made a bigger mistake. I told my older brother.

For the next weeks and months, every time he wanted to scare me he would say "I'll tell mom and dad that you peed on the chicken."

I was horrified.

How could I explain that this was acceptable? What would happen to my personal brand as an engaging 5-year-old?

So the blackmail worked. I ran errands. I shared candy. I did my brother's chores. Because if I didn't, he'd say "I'll tell you peed on the chicken."

Blackmail. And one of life's first lessons.

Comments

[Poppy]

This was the most hilarious post I've ever seen you write. Very surprising. I had to post about it on my blog. :)

[Crys]

i was a little younger when i peed in a glass and gave it to my brother and told him it was lemonade. he believed me.

for about three seconds.

[Dan]

Thanks, Poppy. Yeah, just a little irreverent. For some odd reason, I woke up this morning thinking about that poor damn chicken.

Crys - yecch.

[Cyn]

Context is everything in this story.
Well done!